Entries for November 19th, 2007
[ November 19th, 2007 ]
Oh boy...
Our first fic is from the Avatar: the Last Airbender fandom and called Ransom by Shadowgate31. Parts of the fic will be quoted here, but no way in hell did I write this
Here's how our writer summarizes the story: "When Zuko kidnaps Sokka, will love blossom? Or just a bitter hatred?" *facepalms* You can't believe how much shit is out there featuring these two guys. What I can't believe is how slash spawned from a NICKELODEON show, which caters to 13-year-old kids. Anime I can understand. I mean, the bishies are just asking for it, looking all girly and being twinkley-eyed all the time. You can't blame people when anime guys pose with other guys with their shirts half open . But a kiddie show? *facepalms again* Maybe I shouldn't be surprised after seeing that Spongebob Squarepants slash.
...Forget I mentioned that.
While I pour more potent acid into my skull to get rid of that memory again, here's my 'review' of Ransom.
* * *
Chapter 1 is pretty short, and narrates how Zuko kidnaps Sokka to lure Aang out. Uh-huh... where have I heard that before? Shadowgate31 probably has no idea how many Zuko-captures-Sokka fics there are out there. *shakes head gravely* But let's give the author the benefit of the doubt, coz maybe during the publishing of her story, the idea wasn't so old? But besides the cliche plot, I have some other qualms.
Here's some trivia. The first four paragraphs start with the same word: Zuko. I'd understand two paragraphs, but four? Tsk, tsk.(1)
His (Zuko) ship had landed on a small beach nearby and he was now following a small stream he had noticed. And for some reason his uncle had made him take some rope.... And why did uncle make me bring rope. 'Just when you need it most, you might not have any.'Faultless logic! I'm impressed!
...Yeah right.' "Yes, Katara, I know! You don't have to tell me to wash behind my ears!"The Enter key is your friend. Use it.(2)
He followed Sokka (A/N: I went ahead and used his name because we all know who it is.) to a point at the river where the boy stopped.Whoah. What the hell? Who's A/N? (3)
"Keep struggling and you die." He hissed menacingly in Sokka's ear. Sokka quit biting down on Zuko's hand and went limp. He knew there was no point struggling, and he was too far away for Katara and Aang to hear him if he got a chance to scream.Nah. I'm pretty sure Sokka wouldn't have screamed. He does a sillier sound. Don't take my word for it; watch the series.
Zuko pulled his hand away from Sokka's mouth and used both his hands to pulled Sokka's arms behind his back. He grabbed the rope from his belt and tied Sokka's wrists together. "Smart boy. You know you're too far away for your friends to hear." Sokka didn't answer. He was too busy thinking of a way to escape. Zuko suddenly turned him around and gripped his shoulder painfully. "Don't even think of trying to escape. If you try, you'll pay dearly." Zuko created a flame in the palm of his other hand and held it close to Sokka's cheek.Did you read that whole paragraph? Poor you. What I was only trying to point out was, USE THE ENTER KEY.
"He's a friend of the avatars. I found him while I was out walking. And you were right uncle, I did need rope." Iroh sighed. "Why did you kidnap one of the avatars friends? What is your plan?" Zuko smirked. "Easy. I have one of the avatars friends. He'll come after him, and then we can capture the avatar." Sokka snorted again.Haha. Yeah, I'd snort too, Sokka. That's rock-hard logic right there. I mean, there he was, near enough to hear you TALKING TO KATARA, and he didn't go after your camp, he actually followed you to a river so he could kidnap you while you tried to get your shirt off.
"We'll see. Now continue walking. I'm taking you up to my quarters." This time Sokka walked behind Zuko, having no choice since Zuko had a tight grip on his shirt.Holy SHIT this Zuko is fast. Run, Sokka, RUUUUUN! (also, don't they have cells below deck?)
When Zuko reached his quarters, he wrenched the door open and threw Sokka onto his bed.
Sokka felt like crying for messing up so bad, but he held it in and soon fell alseep, having nothing else to do.Whoah, whoah. Hold on there. Is this THE same Sokka we're talking about? He's more persistent than that, you know. Ropes won't stop him from thinking. He's in a room, he's smart, THERE'S NO GUARD INSIDE.
TBC...Can't argue with that kind of logic.
Sorry to leave you hanging like that. And yes, I do know that most of my chapters end with somebody falling alseep. So what? I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter!
Let's pause for a while to give some helpful tips. Those numbers actually mean something.
(1) Dunno if this only goes for journalism, but don't start several succeeding paragraphs with the same word.
(2) Start a new paragraph whenever someone else speaks. And I mean WHENEVER. Makes it less confusing as to who's talking.
(3) Place your notes AFTER or BEFORE the fic, not between. It destroys the flow of the story.
So what have we learned so far, folks?
-Iroh practices divination.
-Zuko is horny and logical.
Now let's go on to the
Sokka was awoken several hours later by Zuko, who had wrenched his door open and slammed it shut, just like before. He had a tray of food in his hands. Sokka watched him warily as he walked to the bed and set it there.It still bothers me that they don't have their own holding cells in the ship. I mean, Zuko's hunting the Avatar, so he should have prepared to keep him, right? What, he plans to keep Aang in his room too? (And the better-than-thou prince is going out of his way to feed a prisoner?)
"Ugh, turn around you stupid peasant. I need to untie your hands so you can eat." Sokka hesitated too long for Zuko's liking and he grabbed the front of the boy's shirt and dragged him forward.Zuko: Dammit, the guards outside are going to hear you and tell my uncle I'm--oh right, I'm just feeding you.
Sokka cried out in surprise and Zuko clasped a hand over his mouth. "Quiet! I'm not hurting you." He hissed.
He opened the door in an almost gentle manner. One of his crewmembers was with him. "Are you finished eating?" He asked softly. Sokka nodded, wondering what had caused this change in the prince.I was wondering about the same thing. He's so different it's scary.
Zuko sat down near Sokka, who scooted away. "Don't be afraid of me. I won't hurt you." Sokka didn't believe him and stayed as far away as possible. "I believe your name is Sokka, is that right?" Sokka nodded. "Don't worry, I'm not going to question you about the avatar.Sokka: YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYTHING FROM ME- what?
"What would be the point of letting me go? With Aang captured, the world has no chance." Zuko was shocked by his words.God, even the characters themselves are noticing how OOC each other is.
When he had first brought the boy here, he was energetic and always seemed to have a come back. Now he looked so melancholy.
"Your country? Honor? How do expect to gain those things back by taking away the worlds only hope?" Zuko punched the wall and flames swirled around his fist. "Don't question me! I'll do as I please!"Whoo! IC Zuko, finally! (Something tells me this will be the last semblance of his canon personality)
Sokka laughed bitterly and a few tears fell from his eyes.So Sokka has turned into a cry baby. Well la-deeh-dah.
"Fine. Gain your country and honor back. But when you do, kill me. I don't want to live in a world with no hope." Zuko looked back at him in surprise. Tears were flowing silently from his eyes down his cheeks, and he seemed serious about what he had said.
TBC...
Not much to say after that, really. Same errors: bad paragraphing, vague and/or random character motivation, OOC-ness...you gotta hand it to Shadowgate31 for being consistent.
Moving on...
All the crewmembers knew to leave Zuko alone while he was meditating. Even if they were curious, it just wasn't worth getting on the prince's bad side. And Zuko indeed did not want to be disturbed. (A/N: But it would defeat the purpose of my title if someone didn't.)Whoever this A/N is, he/she needs to shut up and stop popping out at random parts of the story.
Iroh, who never seemed to fear Zuko's temper tantrums, kept talking to his nephew. "Zuko, perhaps it would be better to let the poor boy go. You didn't exactly leave the avatar a clue that it was you who had taken him."Finally, someone who has sense in this story!
Zuko rubbed his temple. "Uncle, who else would do it?"Don't encourage him, Iroh!
"Well, I'm sure that there are plenty of people. He is a handsome boy you know."
Zuko sighed and leaned against the railing. "He said that when I have captured the avatar, he wants me to kill him, because he doesn't want to live in a world with no hope, and he sounded so sincere."Zuko talking to his uncle like this in season 1? Maybe in a dozen or more episodes.
"Makes sense. Who would want to live in a world were you had no hope for anything at all?" "I suppose. But what am I to do uncle? If I don't capture the avatar, how can I ever return home?""Man, this is confusing." "Who the hell said that?" "I did." "I did?" "I did, you douche bag."
"He is not my friend. And I don't care if he's upset." "Oh, but I think you do care." Zuko snorted again. "What put that thought in your head?" Iroh sighed and wandered off to get some tea.Iroh DEFINITELY has psychic powers. Maybe he got it from the tea.
Sokka was asleep, curled up on the bed. He looked so peaceful and young that Zuko felt a pang of guilt in his heart. 'Why do I feel guilty? For kidnapping him, or for putting him through this?'Sokka looks fine to me. Well fed, sleeping on a prince's bed, nothing to do but lie down and sleep...hell, I'd trade that for a weekend at home. I'm also starting to wonder where Zuko plans to sleep.
He sighed and stepped in, making sure he didn't make a sound. He sat on the edge of the bed, still staring at Sokka's face. He raised a hand and gently brushed a few fingers across the water tribe boy's cheek. Sokka stirred slightly and his eyes fluttered open. For a moment, he just stared up at Zuko, neither hating nor fearing him, then recognition set in.Rape! RAAAAAAAAAPE!
"What were you doing?" Sokka asked. "Nothing, I was just, watching you."Yeah right, and Santa Claus has pot sessions with the Easter Bunny.
Sokka freaked. "Why were you watching me?!" Zuko panicked. "C-calm down, stop yelling. I didn't mean to watch you, I just came in to make sure you were okay." Sokka squirmed away from Zuko, who was attempting to grasp Sokka's shoulders. "Why do you care if I'm okay?"This scene would have worked if it were a whiney girl in Sokka's place.
"Because I'd feel bad if you died while in my care." He said softly. Sokka's eyes widened slightly as the prince's lips met his.OH SHIT. Here it is.
Or not. Whew!
"It's all right, I'm not mad. I was a little depressed earlier, but I'm fine now." He brought his eyes back level with Zuko's. "Why'd you kiss me?"He's gay, Sokka. I expect you to stop being clueless now. It's just not you.
"Oh, now that I've kissed you, you're not scared of me? Is that how it works in the water tribe?" He asked jokingly. Sokka blushed. "No! It's not. It's just, I realized, you're not so bad." He avoided Zuko's gaze.If you listen carefully, you can hear the hundreds of dolphins that die screaming deaths because of gay fluff poisoning. And I told you Zuko would never be IC again.
"Compared to what?" Zuko asked. Sokka thought for a moment then made a face. "Compared to Zhao." Zuko grimaced slightly. "Good point." Sokka tried to stifle a laugh, but didn't succeed. "Ah ha, is that a laugh I hear? And a smile I see?" Zuko was playfully teasing him. Sokka didn't think it was possible for the prince to be playful; it made him laugh harder and a grin spread over his face. Zuko found himself smiling slightly; Sokka's good attitude was contagious. Zuko wished he could stay there in that moment forever.
"Zuko, sir, Zhao's ship has been... has been spotted." The soldier said breathlessly. Zuko cursed under his breath. "Sokka, stay put. No matter what, do not leave this room." Zuko commanded as he left with the crewmember. Sokka stared at the door sadly for a moment before lying down. 'I hope everything's all right. Zhao's evil.'Evil? What, is that all you can come up with now, Sokka? Have you lost your wit? What has that bastard DONE to you? *cries*
Oh, just read the next chapter so I can curl in a corner and weep!
"Zuko, is everything okay?" Zuko sank onto the bed. He looked shaken and tense. Sokka sat up and scooted closer to him. "Zuko?"I wouldn't go near him if I were you.
*CENSORED*Told you not to go near him.
"Yes?" Sokka gave him a tired smile. "I think I might be falling in love with you." He wrapped his arms around Zuko, leaning his forehead on Zuko's chest. The prince somehow managed to untangle the sheet from their bodies and laid it on top of them. They would have to clean up later since Sokka had already fallen asleep. "I think I might love you too." He whispered, letting himself drift to sleep.After you have gagged from the early confessions in this paragraph, you probably start to think something hot happened. Actually, it didn't. There was just an awkward sex scene that showed the author's lack of knowledge of good foreplay and human anatomy. Here's a
Zuko: There's something on your neck.
Sokka: Ew! Get it off!
Zuko: *licks it off*
Sokka: Hey, thanks!
Zuko: No prob.
Sokka: ...
Zuko: ...
Sokka:...
Zuko: So, uh, wanna have buttsecks?
Sokka: Sure!
Zuko: I call top.
Oh, and because of a lack of lube, they had to make do with salivation.
...Yeah, you shouldn't have read that.
The author had this to say:
Well, it certainly was M material. And they haven't quite confessed their love for each other, but they're getting there.What the hell? Weren't those as good as confessions of love already? And I thought guys were all straight talk!
The author is better off writing about straight couples. The big difference between a girl and a guy (bottom) during sex? Natural lubricants. Get your crap to be real hard and dry, then go the the bathroom, and think about it. It'll come to you.
Know what, I'll stop here. Yep. Even if this fic isn't finished and there's a chapter already posted. It's just too much baseless romance.
Like I said, if the writing can pull it off, I'm okay with it. Unfortunately, this piece of work was rushed, and little was actually thought out, especially how the characters should be acting under certain situations. You want to write mush like this, fine. But use other characters that can actually fit in it. I've read better Zuko-captures-Sokka yaoi before.
Seriously, I have.
What?